everything is temporary

This week I was reminded several times that everything is temporary. This isn't exactly a comforting thought for someone like me. Someone that is uncomfortable with change, especially that within my personal life. So yesterday while I was listening to All Things Considered, I was thankful for this quote at the end of the last story.

“There's no vocabulary For love within a family, love that's lived in But not looked at, love within the light of which All else is seen, the love within which All other love finds speech. This love is silent.” - T. S. Eliot

I have no idea what this quote means to you, or T.S. Eliot. But for me it explains why I am able to love, and will be able to love again.

It's funny...love and loss seem to go hand in hand sometimes...for me anyway. And when I lost an important person in 2006...every loss since then has forced me to relive that one, this week's events were no exception. I'm thankful that, no matter our political discourse, I have a family that I can depend on.

I did learn that I'm never dating an artist again. They are just so much more interesting than the others, though. I think I probably need to find an English teacher that appreciates politics and art. Maybe that will work.

That was kinda a girly post wasn't it?? Usually I'm more of a gearle than a girl...but this week the loss was overwhelming...again.

kidneys in the news

I found this story this morning...it's worth a read. And here's a link to the author's blog.

A few facts quoted in the story:

20 million Americans - 1 in 9 adults - have Chronic Kidney Disease (CKD) and another 20 million more are at increased risk. Heart disease is the major cause of death for all people with CKD. Hypertension causes CKD and CKD causes hypertension. High risk groups include those with diabetes, hypertension and family history of kidney disease. African Americans, Hispanics, Pacific Islanders, Native Americans and the elderly are at increased risk. About 200,000 Americans suffer from kidney failure and need an artificial kidney machine to stay alive.

I took a walk with my dad yesterday after Sunday family lunch. He said to me, "Now, I can't walk too fast. I just kinda stumble along." He did just fine...and it was nice father-daughter time.....no politics, just life.

kidney update

I received word this morning that I have been approved to donate my kidney to my father. Read on if you’d like a few more details.

Since Dad isn’t feeling the best, it is possible that he may do some dialysis prior to surgery (beginning in October, probably). This will clean out the toxins, etc. Then we will have pre-op appointments one day in November, and the surgery Nov. 29. (this means I will only miss about 13-14 days with kids). During the pre-op appointments, my dad will need to have some of the same evaluations done that he did last winter/spring — just to make sure that surgery is still safe for him. They will not go through with the surgery if it isn’t safe for us both.

I am very excited!! This is such good news. When I saw that spectacular moon this morning, I knew it was going to be a good day.

kidney update

Today I learned a lot about my body. I also had to take my clothes off four times!!!!

Yesterday I collected my urine all day. I had to be away from home for part of the day, so I had to carry my pee in a cooler. Very odd. Anyway, as part of my tests, they needed a 24-hour collection of my urine. This is to test my creatinine levels. My father has had to do it many times.

My day started with one last urine collection before leaving my house bright and early and heading to UIHC with my mom to support me. Last spring when we traveled to UIHC we went through a bunch of construction in the building -- it's been through several aesthetic changes -- and now, a few months later, it seems to be complete. Very beautiful. Art everywhere. When we arrived we checked in and headed to the Surgical Specialty Clinic -- which was our home base for many of my dad's appointments, so we know it well. They took several vials of blood out of me, and asked for ANOTHER urine sample!! I met with Shelley, our transplant coordinator. She had a side-kick with her today -- another woman that is learning how to do Shelley's job.

After the blood was out, a little food went in. I had to fast for my lab work and only had a small window of time before I had to fast for a test later in the day (CT Scan). So I had a Zone Bar, a banana and a Diet Dr. Pepper (of course).

They took my vitals, I signed a bunch of paperwork, and I met with the social worker. Her job is basically to make sure I am aware of any potential risks, and that I will have a good support system to help me out when I get home from the hospital. Then I met with Dr. Heather Muster about a study that I have an opportunity to participate in. It's called Assessing Long Term Outcome of Living Donation (ALTOLD). I will probably participate in this study....more on that at a later time.

The first time I had to undress was to be examined by the nephrologist, Dr. Bertolotus. This is the same doctor that saw dad on his first visit to UIHC for the beginning of his evaluation. Dr. Bertolotus examined me and took a look on the computer to see if any of my tests were back. Even though it had only been about 3 hours, there were many complete and already entered in the system. Apparently I'm very healthy. My kidneys are functioning "normal" (whatever that means). My cholesterol is 203, which to me seemed high. But Dr. Bertolotus said that the reason it is so high is because my GOOD cholesterol is about as high as it can be (apparently that's good). My BUN (blood urea nitorgen) and creatinine levels are all good -- low even. Here's some information on that. I have low BUNs....lol.

The second time I had to undress was for an EKG. And then the third time was for a chest x-ray. Both of these were very quick, and painless.

The fourth and final time I had to undress was for my CT Scan. This was not my favorite part of the day. It didn't hurt much (IV went in well), but I was uncomfortable....more mentally than physically I suppose. They had to inject "contrast media" into me and take a bunch of pictures. It wasn't bad...just not my favorite. They took pictures of my kidneys. They are checking to make sure I have two, for starters. :-) Then they will be looking at them both to decide which one to take for the transplant.

I learned:

• When the donor kidney is put into the recipient, the recipient's existing kidneys stop working completely in a short time. So, even though they will not take out any of dad's kidneys -- they just hook up the donor kidney-- he will only have one functioning kidney...mine. This is why it is important to wait until just the right time to do the transplant. For example, I was very upset that things were put on hold last spring....and although he went downhill quicker than anticipated...by doing a transplant too soon, we are essentially wasting the good kidney a bit. What I mean is, the donated kidney doesn't last forever...only 15-20 years or so. Had Dad's kidney function remained at a manageable level for several years, we could have been giving him a few extra years with my good kidney down the road. However, he's nearly 73, so.....I think that probably cancels all of that out (in my opinion). As he ages, his health naturally declines, so, in my non-doctor opinion, it would seem to make more sense to do the transplant while he is younger and feeling better. But....he's not younger or feeling better now, so none of that last part really matters....And, although I am wicked smart, I suppose I don't know EVERYTHING...moving on.....
  
• The veins connected to the left kidney are longer, so they prefer to take that one....and as long as everything else is equal, that will be the one they take. However, if there are more veins on the left one, or detaching it would be more difficult, they will take the right one. Also, if one kidney is better than the other one -- I get to keep the good one!! So, I wonder....if they take my left kidney, will that make me lean even more to the left, politically? :-)
  
• They only do kidney transplants on Thursdays at UIHC.
• Two healthy kidneys do not work to their full capacity. So, if you donate a kidney, you aren't actually losing 50% of your kidney function. The remaining kidney beefs up and begins to work better (notice I did NOT say harder -- harder implies that there could be undue stress on the remaining kidney). In fact, there are people that live with one kidney their whole life and don't even know it.
• All of my tests (that were complete when I left today) were good....better than good actually. The nephrologist told me that as long as I continue to exercise and I don't gain a bunch of weight or something....even if I just stay like I am right now....there is no reason to think I will get diabetes. Of course, there are no guarantees. But I've learned that there are no guarantees about ANYTHING in life, no matter how perfect it might seem, it can all come tumbling down at any moment (how's that for positive thinking). Anyway....
  
• (I already knew this next part before today, but I'm putting it in here for any of you that think I'm putting myself at too big of a risk in the future). Studies show that a kidney donor is no more at risk for kidney disease than a person with two kidneys. That, along with the VERY thorough exam that I received today, is more than enough to convince me that this is the right thing to do.
  
• They will not do the tissue typing until the PRE-OP appointment. That is how certain they are that I will match Dad at LEAST enough for the transplant. It has something to do with me being his daughter. :-) More importantly, Dad has not had a previous transplant, has not had a blood transfusion, and has not given birth to a baby....so he should not have developed any antigens against me. I keep telling them that I'M A LIBERAL and dad is a REPUBLICAN, there is a chance we won't match....but apparently politics has nothing to do with it.
• Surgery lasts 3-5 hours, and I would go home Saturday or Sunday. Dad would be hospitalized a bit longer, closer to a week.
  

So what does that all mean???

I will know next week for sure...the rest of the tests will be in by this Friday....and then Shelley will "present" my case to the panel of doctors.....but it looks like Shelley will schedule the transplant for November 29, or December 6, 2007!!!

Here is a bunch more info on organ donation for those interested.

fall, football and freedom

This picture was taken the day Hollyanne moved in to her dorm room. Also pictured: her roommate and her roommate's boyfriend. We made a trip to the store to get a few items, only to find it difficult to fit the three of them, my mother, all the stuff we bought, and me into the little corolla. YIKES!

She seems to be adjusting to the college life quite appropriately. I miss her, but I am also enjoying my freedom (and the fact that when I do the dishes, dirty ones don't just "appear" out of no where in a matter of minutes). I thought I would hate living alone (I've never done that before, it's always been the two of us). But I actually enjoy it. However, I do miss her and I am thankful for communication via cell phone and especially email.

Hollyanne seems to be enjoying her freedom as well. She's even gone on a couple of road trips already!! Friday night she went with a friend to pick up another in Minnesota!! Geesh, I'm glad I didn't know until they were almost home!!!! She did see the bridge in the cities. Amazing, she said.

UNI beat ISU this past weekend. Very nice. Hawks won too.

My dad and I watched a few football games together on Sunday. We haven't done that together for a long time. It felt great. Today is a bit rainy....but it feels like fall and I love fall. Fall, football and freedom.....what more could you ask for? A little greased lightnin' perhaps?

Happy birthday Seth!!!!! Remember when you and I would dance to Grease?????? You had way more hair then. :-) Love ya!

kidney update

Friday brought a doctor's appointment for my dad. Although his kidney function didn't decline drasticly, it is apparent that his numbers are fluctuating. He is also either feeling worse (fatigue wise) or he is expressing his feelings to the doctor more effectively, because the doctor is saying we need to move forward with kidney transplant procedures, due, in part, to his feeling poorly. Another factor that the doctor is considering is that his fistula that he had put in several months ago seems to be failing. Now, they haven't even used this fistula, but, it's failing nonetheless. So, if he were to need dialysis, they would have to repeat the fistula procedure first - which is not something we want to deal with if we do not have to.

So, what this means...

Dad has to have a bit of blood drawn and sent to the lab. And I will be going to U of I hospitals to have my complete work over, including tissue typing. Shelley called me within a few hours of Dad's appointment, and we are looking at dates (probably in September) for my mega probing and prodding day. Then, it's a matter of looking into what would be the best time for me to miss work. There is never a good time to miss, especially considering the fact that I am starting a new job this year, but there are times that are better than others. And, in the big picture, work isn't nearly as important. The kids will do just fine with a quality sub.

I'll admit that when things were put on hold I went into some sort of a mild depression, not that it takes all that much for me to do that, I suppose. I think it's mainly because I could see him feeling worse, and I felt like we weren't doing all we could to change that. So, even though needing a transplant, isn't exactly good news, proceding IS good news, in my opinion. I guess I dealt with the issue of my dad needing a transplant a long time ago...so that's why I can look at this as good news. The transplant was inevitable, now it looks like we are actually going to do something to make him feel better.

whew!

As usual, the last few weeks have been full of activity. I've been doing so much that I haven't really had a chance to write about any of it. I suppose doing rather than writing isn't so bad.

Right before graduation, my car died. New motor. My fault. Don't really want to talk about it, cuz if you don't talk about it...it isn't happening right? Anyway, it doesn't really matter now...it's fixed, and I owe a bunch more money. :-) I found it interesting that it all occurred the week before graduation...why is it that things like this in my life always have the best timing??? Oh well, as mom says..."This too shall pass."

Over graduation weekend, I was also given an opportunity that forced me to make a decision. Decisions aren't really my strong point, especially in times of stress (which it was...graduation weekend, car's dead, money's gone, and career decision to be made...YIKES). Anyway, at any non-stressful time in my life (when is that again?) it would've been a no brainer. However, I took the weekend to think about it...and came to the same conclusion I would have in any circumstance. Next year I am leaving the regular classroom to take a Title I Reading position in my building. Basically this means that I will be teaching first and second grade students that require extra support in the area of reading. I love teaching kids how to read. So this is a good fit. Along with the position comes more responsibilities, more leadership opportunities and more paper work -- all of which I enjoy (excluding the paperwork). Jokingly I've said that it's like a promotion sans more pay. This also means that I will be moving again. Ick. I expect to be moved by the end of the week...if not by the end of today!

Since graduation I have attended several events in the area. Hollyanne and I met the McBrides in North Liberty for a bluegrass festival. We were only able to stay through the Mike and Amy Finders band...but it was worth it, of course. Hollyanne didn't enjoy it as much as me (she even went to the car and slept a bit), but it was still fun. She did like Mike and Amy, even though Mike's voice was shot, so it was more like the Amy Finders Show. :-) The weather didn't cooperate. It was a rainy weekend...so the event was held inside the church (which did distract from the usual festival atmosphere that I enjoy so much). I will probably go back to this free event next year. Here are a couple pix...

Shinbone Alley
which includes Al and Aleta 'the hammer' Murphy -- two of my Burlington Street Bluegrass Band favorites

Mike and Amy Finders

From North Liberty we headed back to the Cedar Rapids/Marion area. Hollyanne and I met Scott and members of his family at the Longbranch for Shayne's debut. :-) You can read a bit more about it here. I was amazed at Shayne's guitar playing. I had heard him some when I was at the house...but he far exceeded my expectations...and was definitely the star of the show. I took pictures, of course...here's one...

Shayne Smalling
a.k.a. Golden Arm

Every summer Iowa City has a free Friday night concert series on the ped mall as part of Summer of the Arts . This year I plan to attend as many as I can! This past Friday Scott and I went to Iowa City to see The Beaker Boys. They put on a good show. There were a lot of people there...and the weather was perfect. I was a bit disappointed because it was basically a cover band. I have come to expect a little more out of my trips to Iowa City. However, the weather, atmosphere and company made up for the lack of originality. :-) This week we hope to attend again -- this time one of my favorites -- The Mayflies. Seriously, if you haven't caught them yet...you need to! You will walk away talking about that fiddle player, Annie, and especially my good friend Jon Eric on the banjo. They play bluegrass -- with a kick. Scott and I will get there a bit late -- I have a wedding rehearsal to attend. I am singing at my friend Nicole's wedding on Saturday.

Summer school started yesterday. I am teaching reading and math to kiddos that just completed first grade. I have 11 students for one hour of math, and 11 different students for two hours of reading. All summer school classes are housed at the middle school. This means that as the school year was winding down I started putting items into different piles at school. One pile to be moved to my new 'classroom' -- more like an office (or a glorified closet), one pile to go home (because I can't fit all my crap in a closet) and one pile to the middle school. Once it's all moved in and the kids arrive, I don't mind summer school so much...but the days leading up to it plain just piss me off!!! :-)

This week is as busy as ever...full of things that I am required to attend. Each morning filled with summer school, and the afternoons filled with "other". Monday was a summer school planning afternoon with a colleague and I did a bit more moving. Tuesday (today) is a cadre (leadership team) meeting. Wednesday I am meeting with our district's curriculum director regarding my new job responsibilities (a.k.a the paper work required because it is a federally funded position -- ICK) Thursday I am on the interview team to hire a new first grade teacher...then the jam?? Friday I am meeting with the new first grade teachers in our building....then the wedding rehearsal...then the Mayflies!

Whew!

Next week looks much better. I haven't been able to go the Thursday night jam for about three weeks. I also hope to rectify that this week!! The jam was moved from PHAT Daddy's in Marengo, to The Colony Village in the Amanas. I'm not thrilled about that...but it still works. I'll give it the summer and see what happens. It's the same people, basically...but the atmosphere isn't quite the same. Also, the drive isn't nearly as beautiful...Interstate 80 is very boring and full of trucks, noise and pollution. Bleh.

Hollyanne got a new job. She is now working on the phones. She starts today. This week is training...then beginning next week she has a regular schedule that includes 25 hours/week. Having a set schedule will be much better. Her having a car would be even better! Did I mention that she dyed her hair BLONDE???? Good grief, Charlie Brown.

Speaking of Charlie Brown, I saw Charlie Braun this morning at school. I never see him, of course, and he avoids talking to me whenever he can. So I was a bit surprised when he was full of conversation this morning. He even said that he misses Emmie sometimes. I felt like saying...."Uhhh....yeah...thanks." He misses Emmie? WTF?

I'll end this post with this....

Last night on KUNI's "Night Music" with Al Schares I got to hear Bob Dylan's Million Dollar Bash followed by my favorite Dylan song, Visions of Johanna, sung by Chris Smither (he does several Dylan covers that I enjoy - and I don't like it when most people do Dylan covers). And, believe it or not, I have neither of these songs in my collection!! It was stellar. ;-) (and I will have to acquire both of these songs soon, of course)

the graduate

senior presentation

Our district has several requirements for graduation such as: number of credits in certain subjects and overall, meeting a score of "proficient" on several standardized tests, and a senior presentation.

Tonight was Hollyanne's senior presentation. She invited our close family members, Tiernan's family, Justin, Helen and Marija. This very personal presentation gives those in attendance, including the teacher evaluating her, an overview of her life in High School as a whole; academics, extra-curricular, work-life, personal life, mistakes and accomplishments.

I am so proud of her. That's really all I can say without tears. Here are a few pictures...

prom

Senior Prom.....April 28, 2007

Grandma took her for the nails on Friday....

John and Lisa took her for the updo....




I helped with make up and false eye lashes...


The dress...

The flowers...



The phone...


The couple...

the wapsi

The Wapsipinicon River has been a part of my life forever. Growing up I remember a family friend, Rick, telling me that the Wapsipinicon River got it's name from the "Indians". The story was...Native Americans were canoing down the river and one dropped a penny in the river...and said..."Whoopsi, penny gone." I was just young enough to believe that story....never mind there were no pennies back then!

As a kid the whole family would go out to this same family friends' house (Rick, Marlys, Aaron and Stacie) and we would shovel the snow off the river and ice skate. I don't really know if I actually remember that, or if it was just a memory from pictures.

Pinicon Ridge Park, located on the Wapsi was a particular favorite. I used to ride my moped out there when I was a teen to "get away." I spent hours at "Horseshoe Falls" (which is really just a creek that is sometime a trickle and sometimes dried up). I dreamed of walking down the big hill that lead to Horseshoe Falls on my wedding day, to be married on the bridge. In the fall, of course, with a blanket of leaves for an aisle. I made whistles with the snake grass that grew around the creek that lead into the Wapsi.

Also at the park we would go to the "beach". To this day we still have family reunions there at times....and always go on the paddle boats. There are deer and elk in the park....always wanting fed by those passing by. Hollyanne caught her first fish at Pinicon Ridge Park....in the Waspi.

We hunted mushrooms close to the Wapsi as well....but I cannot tell you where...it's a secret, you know.

When I was a teen I worked at a ice cream/eatery called "The Wapsi Drive In". It wasn't a drive in when I worked there....and now it's a HOUSE! It was located just off the Wapsipinicon River. I always smelled like french fries when I got home...but I got a free ice cream cone every day that I worked...and all the soda a girl could ever want.

When I was six years old, I went to camp Wapsi for a day camp. I only remember one day at camp. That day I played along the Wapsipinicon River the whole day. I was picked up by my Aunt Maggie, jeans soaked to the knees, and when she brought me home I was told that my sister died in a car crash. I was sitting on my bed, with a parent on either side.

Growing up our family would also canoe a lot on the Wapsi. We would put our canoe in somewhere downriver from the damn...sometimes at Rick's house. And then we would canoe to Waubeek, IA. All that is in Waubeek is a tavern. Not a bar...a tavern...called F B & Co. Somehow Dad's truck was always waiting for us there when we finished.

Tonight I went to FB & Co for open mic night.

I stopped in my hometown to pick up my mom. As we drove toward Waubeek we passed the spot that I totaled the car summer of 1987...and broke my nose. We crossed the Wapsi at Steckel's Bridge....a location that I remember well from a time I went canoing in HS...and night came too fast....by the time we got to that bridge, I was SCARED TO DEATH. :-)

FB & Co, was just how I remembered it from all those years ago -- definitely a place to "hover" when going to the bathroom. :-) The smokiest, diviest bar in the world, probably. Rick was already there. Aaron (a great friend - like a brother to me, and also happens to be Rick's son) was there, too. Other than that, I recognized no one. But shortly after we arrived, my brother and his wife walked in the door.

As we walked in there was a guy playing some sort of a keyboard wrapped around his neck with a guitar strap or something. He was playing...While My Guitar Gently Weeps.....on the keyboard....and not well. There were both solo acts and bands of various ability levels. Aaron played with others, as well as on his own. There was a young man there, a senior in HS that played the mandolin. He was quite good. There was a "reunion" of sorts of a band called the Waubeek Trackers. I remember them from many, many, many years ago. Steve Maurice is still hot and he's gotta be in his sixties. I remember being MADLY in love with his nephew when I was in Jr. High and High School. He was the first long-haired musician that I couldn't seem to keep my mind off of!! They were probably on of the best groups there.

I wish I would've taken pictures. Next month I will take pictures, and maybe even play on stage...we'll see.

how was your flow -- a kidney update

I think nurses are cut out of a special mold. Ok, well, I don’t think that, I know that.

Today we had another appointment at UIHC. We got to see Shelley and Kaye again. Kaye is the nurse that has taken Dad’s blood, given him shots, etc. Shelley is the nurse that is following our case through to the end. She is the one that does all the organizing with the different doctors and is part of the transplant team.

All of the nurses that we have worked with so far have been so good with Dad. As anyone that reads this knows, he is ornery! He is always dishing it out…sometimes inappropriately. Well, every nurse that we have been blessed with, dishes it right back…which is EXACTLY what Dad needs. He can laugh with them, and, good or bad, it encourages him to give them a bit more. ☺ But overall, it’s good. It’s very similar to how my sister-in-law (also a nurse, by the way) treats Dad. We are lucky to have her…she’s about the only one that can put him in his place.

Dad had his second hepatitis shot and met with the urologist, Dr. Wald.

After Kaye gave Dad his shot, Shelley checked in with us. I gave Shelley my papers from St. Luke’s that included my blood type, and she gave us the good news. As I wrote about here and here, the process is as follows: Dad goes through a bunch of tests, then Shelley presents his information to a panel of doctors. The doctors must approve him before we can move on with the procedure. We were told that this would happen after all the tests were complete. Shelley has already presented Dad, and assuming there is a good report from today’s urologist evaluation, he is approved. What does this mean?

As soon as Dr. Wald’s report is in, Shelley will call me. I will need to come in for a full day of appointments with many different doctors. Then within a couple of weeks, assuming I am approved, we will set a date for the transplant. This could be as soon as June. This is good news.

At lunch, after we ordered, I went to the restroom. When I came back Dad said…..

“How was your flow?”

We laughed….I bet he does get sick of that question!! And that is exactly my Dad’s sense of humor….here’s another for you….

On the way out to lunch after the appointments Dad said…..

“I tried really hard, but I just couldn’t make it happen.”

Mom and I of course asked what he was talking about…..and he replied….

“I tried to shit on that doctor for making us wait an hour, but I couldn’t do it.”

number seventy

Happy Birthday Mom!