Orange Gearle

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Friday, November 02, 2007

less than a month now

It's November 2nd. The second day of American Diabetes Month. I've now read all of this blog. Kathy's struggle is amazing to me. I am thankful that my father hasn't had nearly the troubles that she has. But it also makes me wonder if he's feeling even worse than he lets on.

Last night when I got home from the jam, I couldn't get to sleep right away. So I decided to do a bit of internet exploration. I was searching for stories about live kidney donors. I want to know a bit more about what I'm in for. :-) I'm not worried about me, or pain or anything....just curious about the process. I stumbled upon this site. Very interesting. Very informative. I even cried some. I haven't read all the stories, but I will. Ed's story was the first one I read. He was back to work after 11 days! He might be a nut, who knows?

It makes complete sense, but I am not thrilled that I have to have an enema. Ick. I hadn't really thought about that. But Ed's story informed me of my impending doom in that area. UPDATE: My friend, Gigantor, said he didn't have to have one...maybe I'll get lucky.

I've been very emotional about this whole thing lately. I can't exactly explain it. Like I said before, I'm not worried about me at all. I'm young and in reasonably good health. And from everything I've read, I will go through a bit of discomfort, pain even, but it will be very short term. I'm not questioning if this is the right decision. I know it is. I've never been more sure about anything. I have but ONE concern, and it's been weighing heavily on my heart lately.

What if I wake up from surgery to find that my father didn't make it through the surgery?

I can't stop thinking about it really. As we are now less than four weeks away from surgery, I am worried that I will only have four weeks left with him. Good grief. I have no idea what is wrong with me. There has got to be some sort of 12 step program for worriers!!! Sign me up, man. I think I could be their poster child.

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Anonymous iowakitkat said...

Thanks for reading my blog. I note you're interested in the experiences of living donors. I have a coworker who is a surviving living donor. Three years now, I believe, and so is the recipient. I'll email you and email address for her. I'm sure she'd be glad to tell you her experience. It's pretty remarkable since she didn't even know the recipient and the who thing had to be coordinated a half country away (her testing etc.). Once I return from Rochester, I'm going to talk to her for an addition or two to my blog.
I don't know if your dad is hiding how he feels during dialysis and everyone's experience is unique, but he just might like to have someone to talk to about it...even the fear you have.
Though I'll quickly admit that one of the more difficult things I've ever done is talk to my mother about her ... and last summer ... about my death.
I'm wishing the very best for you and your dad and I'm going to be checking in with your blog to see how things are going. :)

7:56 PM  

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