less than a month now

It's November 2nd. The second day of American Diabetes Month. I've now read all of this blog. Kathy's struggle is amazing to me. I am thankful that my father hasn't had nearly the troubles that she has. But it also makes me wonder if he's feeling even worse than he lets on.

Last night when I got home from the jam, I couldn't get to sleep right away. So I decided to do a bit of internet exploration. I was searching for stories about live kidney donors. I want to know a bit more about what I'm in for. :-) I'm not worried about me, or pain or anything....just curious about the process. I stumbled upon this site. Very interesting. Very informative. I even cried some. I haven't read all the stories, but I will. Ed's story was the first one I read. He was back to work after 11 days! He might be a nut, who knows?

It makes complete sense, but I am not thrilled that I have to have an enema. Ick. I hadn't really thought about that. But Ed's story informed me of my impending doom in that area. UPDATE: My friend, Gigantor, said he didn't have to have one...maybe I'll get lucky.

I've been very emotional about this whole thing lately. I can't exactly explain it. Like I said before, I'm not worried about me at all. I'm young and in reasonably good health. And from everything I've read, I will go through a bit of discomfort, pain even, but it will be very short term. I'm not questioning if this is the right decision. I know it is. I've never been more sure about anything. I have but ONE concern, and it's been weighing heavily on my heart lately.

What if I wake up from surgery to find that my father didn't make it through the surgery?

I can't stop thinking about it really. As we are now less than four weeks away from surgery, I am worried that I will only have four weeks left with him. Good grief. I have no idea what is wrong with me. There has got to be some sort of 12 step program for worriers!!! Sign me up, man. I think I could be their poster child.