everything is temporary

This week I was reminded several times that everything is temporary. This isn't exactly a comforting thought for someone like me. Someone that is uncomfortable with change, especially that within my personal life. So yesterday while I was listening to All Things Considered, I was thankful for this quote at the end of the last story.

“There's no vocabulary For love within a family, love that's lived in But not looked at, love within the light of which All else is seen, the love within which All other love finds speech. This love is silent.” - T. S. Eliot

I have no idea what this quote means to you, or T.S. Eliot. But for me it explains why I am able to love, and will be able to love again.

It's funny...love and loss seem to go hand in hand sometimes...for me anyway. And when I lost an important person in 2006...every loss since then has forced me to relive that one, this week's events were no exception. I'm thankful that, no matter our political discourse, I have a family that I can depend on.

I did learn that I'm never dating an artist again. They are just so much more interesting than the others, though. I think I probably need to find an English teacher that appreciates politics and art. Maybe that will work.

That was kinda a girly post wasn't it?? Usually I'm more of a gearle than a girl...but this week the loss was overwhelming...again.

thank you

Today we had our pre-surgical appointments at UIHC. Everything went well. More blood drawn from both of us. Dad had a few re-checks since it had been so long since the first ones. He had to take his clothes off twice...I got to keep mine on the whole day!!!

I don't even want to talk about the three hours that I waited to see the surgeon.

Highlights:

I do NOT have to have an enema.

They are taking my left (for sure)...putting it on his right (I think).

My new (biggest) scar will be in the bikini line area (just in case I decide to wear a bikini someday to show off my belly....and large c-secion scar). There will also be a couple (maybe three) really small scars where they insert the instruments for laparoscopic surgery.

They are gluing me together instead of staples (Shelley thought gluing was appropriate, since I am a teacher).

I got to see the pictures that they took of my kidneys last time. VERY cool.

I was sitting across from Mom and Dad in the waiting room and Dad came over and sat right next to me and said:

I thought I'd come over and sit closer to you so my kidney can get used to your kidney.

Later he said:

Did you feel that? I think my republican kidney is already starting to reject your democrat kidney.

As I got out of the car Dad hugged me and said "Thank you."

less than a month now

It's November 2nd. The second day of American Diabetes Month. I've now read all of this blog. Kathy's struggle is amazing to me. I am thankful that my father hasn't had nearly the troubles that she has. But it also makes me wonder if he's feeling even worse than he lets on.

Last night when I got home from the jam, I couldn't get to sleep right away. So I decided to do a bit of internet exploration. I was searching for stories about live kidney donors. I want to know a bit more about what I'm in for. :-) I'm not worried about me, or pain or anything....just curious about the process. I stumbled upon this site. Very interesting. Very informative. I even cried some. I haven't read all the stories, but I will. Ed's story was the first one I read. He was back to work after 11 days! He might be a nut, who knows?

It makes complete sense, but I am not thrilled that I have to have an enema. Ick. I hadn't really thought about that. But Ed's story informed me of my impending doom in that area. UPDATE: My friend, Gigantor, said he didn't have to have one...maybe I'll get lucky.

I've been very emotional about this whole thing lately. I can't exactly explain it. Like I said before, I'm not worried about me at all. I'm young and in reasonably good health. And from everything I've read, I will go through a bit of discomfort, pain even, but it will be very short term. I'm not questioning if this is the right decision. I know it is. I've never been more sure about anything. I have but ONE concern, and it's been weighing heavily on my heart lately.

What if I wake up from surgery to find that my father didn't make it through the surgery?

I can't stop thinking about it really. As we are now less than four weeks away from surgery, I am worried that I will only have four weeks left with him. Good grief. I have no idea what is wrong with me. There has got to be some sort of 12 step program for worriers!!! Sign me up, man. I think I could be their poster child.